Reasons why New Zealand is a painful place to live on a Monday Night.

Two middle aged, paunchy figures called Matthew Ridge and Marc Ellis. Truly tragic. For all of us.

Deans Vs Cooper and The Cook Strait Divide

To my mind, the NZRFU should fight to hang onto Robbie Deans. He is arguably one of the best coaches in the country. Compare him to other New Zealand coaches in the Super 14 at the moment. He had the faith in his systems to bring back the returning All Blacks this weekend. They didn't let him down, seamlessly fitting in and giving the Crusaders a bonus point winning edge. He has an understanding of how to manage a game in all the elements, faith in his strategy and his player's minds. The incorporation of his star players after a two month absence could have proved a costly mistake. Instead, they started where they had left off last year. Their combinations, maybe for the first twenty minutes were slightly rusty, but after this, there was only one team in all its class that was going to triumph. And that team was red and black.

Compare Deans to Colin Cooper of the Hurricanes. Cooper has an unbelievable array of talent in the team at his disposal – and when the likes of Jerry Collins, Rodney So'oialo and Conrad Smith play for the All Blacks we see them step up to the plate and thrill. Not the case with Cooper’s Hurricanes. They were just so disappointing and inept against the Lions (who aren’t exactly a sparkling team themselves). As much as I hate to blame a coach – because when it does come down to it – the team that takes the field should be accountable – I can’t help but think it is the coaching that is letting this side down. The Hurricanes had no shape or structure. They played like the English in the 2006 autumn internationals, unintelligently. In short, they were just frustrating to watch. I think Cooper really has to look at changing his tactics because at the moment, his tactics are letting him, his team and the Hurricanes supporters down. And no matter whether the returing All Blacks are rusty or bursting with newly conditioned muscle, there should be no excuse with the personnel in the team, losing to a middle to bottom ranking South African side.

New Zealand Teams and Super 14 Table - Week 8

The end of week 8 and the Super 14 Table saw a bit of a shuffle with the Sharks losing their first match of the season to those never say die Brumbies – and the Crusaders edging their way into the top 4 with a convincing win over the Stormers at Jade Stadium. As far as the other New Zealand teams went (or didn’t go in the case of the hapless Hurricanes and Highlanders), the Blues continued to sparkle while the Chiefs managed to lift their rankings in a scrappy affair at Brisbane against the Queensland Reds.

The results from the eagerly anticipated return of the ‘chosen 22 All Blacks’ into their New Zealand franchises were mixed. The Crusaders found their rhythm eventually and toward the end of the game, they were purring in pure vintage Canterbury style. Daniel Carter to me looked like he had never been away. He set up two superb tires through his kicking in hand – and as usual, in the face of added pressure he predictably always attracts; looked as cool as a cucumber (thank god, he appears to have chucked those hair straighteners too).

The brilliant McCaw found himself bullied for the most part of the match from a number of borderline actions initiated by the talentless Stormers. Scaulk Burger (what an appropriate name for a meathead) was unfortunately not caught by the (myopic) ref and he managed to get away with all number of cheap shots on NZ's number one flanker. However, McCaw himself is probably not above the odd pot shot, and now an old, wizened campaigner, I think it will take more than a couple of attempted and botched spears by some inadequate rugby players to truly phase him.

The other game I viewed in the weekend were the Hurricanes Vs Lions in South Africa. Unfortunately Jerry, Rodney and co were well off the pace in their return match. Others that stood out for all the wrong reasons : Piri Weepu (although scoring a try and sporting a flash new haircut in the style of that other great mediocrity from the football code - Rio Ferdinand); didn't ignite anything special from the back of the pack. Along with his mate Jason Eaton (who was sent off for a blatent infringement due to his general lack of match fitness) and Andrew Hore (his record is forever tarnished to me over the seal incident - not to mention his crooked line out throwing), I can safely say that the Hapless Hurricanes would have done better if they had probably ignored including their returning All Blacks altogether.

Woolmer death highlights the ugly in sport

So the death of Pakistan cricket coach Bob Woolmer is now being treated as murder for asphyxia through strangulation.

For all the beauty in sport - this is a chilling illustration of the ugliness that sport can bring. The side of sport that makes people become fanatical. The side that brings out hatred, death threats, political unrest and the worst as seen today - murder. No sport is untouched with these controversies. No country is blameless. From a New Zealand point of view - one only has to think back to the 1999 World Cup and the shame that was brought upon this country - not from losing the semi final - but the fanatical morons that issued death threats and verbal abuse to the then All Black coach - John Hart and his family. There are dangerous morons everywhere who don't seem to realise that sport is just a game. It is not life and death. It is something to bring people together - to help people enjoy their lives. Not something to divide and kill through corruption and hatred. This is a very sad day for Woolmer's family and for the cricket community. It would not hurt if we could all take a lesson from this. But somehow, I doubt those that need to will.

Ireland V Scotland at gloomy Murrayfield

Ah bliss. The first weekend of having the Rugby Channel installed and I tuned in to the eagerly anticipated match (for me) – Scotland V Ireland. I’ve been keen to see Ireland as I really do think they are a serious contender for the Webb Ellis trophy come September. As much as I dislike the moaning Brian O’Driscoll, I have to admit he is a fantastic centre. He breaks the line consistently. I don’t think I’ve ever watched a game when he hasn’t scored a try. (Except for the one that he has been –ahem- injured in).

On a gloomy Saturday afternoon at Murrayfield, the game was a disappointment. Scotland – although remaining tryless – did give Ireland good competition through Chris Patterson’s boot and Scotland’s committed braveheart defence. Ireland couldn’t seem to find their straps. After watching the Blues V Lions, they all looked a bit too puny and slow. Slow to the breakdown. Slow to run. Slow to tackle. There was a lot of stick it up the jumper endeavour, not matched by any flair or toughness in the forwards by either team. I think on this evidence – maybe Ireland will not be so threatening after all. I might even put myself out on a limb here and predict that England – as hapless as they have been, may come out on top out of the home nations come September.

Fatties

As usual – it would have greatly improved viewing pleasure to watch the Super 14 games without having to listen to the idiotic commentary. (Make note - next time turn sound down). Stu Wilson (does this man have a brain?) with a lispish John Drake, have taken to calling the front row forwards of either team ‘fatties’. Even if they are fatties, and even if we all think it, a television commentary box is not the time and place to be bandying the word around. It’s not that funny Stu. Really!

Howlett - can't get much better than that!

There is no doubt that at the top of Super 14 table sits a team of true quality. The Blues are on scintillating form - sans their All Black forwards and all. It was truly a pleasure to watch their silky skills. At times, some of the feats they pulled out of the bag took my breath away. Even Flavell impressed (and was only pinged for one penalty!) as they ran circles at speed over the lumbering Lions. (Also - great to see Toeava really come into his own. The guy has flair - it just goes to show, Messrs Smith and Henry knew exactly what they were doing last year when selecting him).

Doug Howlett however had to be the star of the night. Never have I seen him throw a handbag – which he did on Saturday with great gusto against the unfortunate (but all round villain for daring to headbutt dear Doug) Lions fullback Rose, who then was flattened by Doug a moment or two later in the tackle of the tournament. And if that wasn’t enough, the great All Black winger (and I think it is safe to start speaking of him in those terms now) became the top try scorer (alongside Australian Joe Roff) in Super 14 history, with two tries that saw him scorch to the line on both occasions. Who should dare say this guy is too old? The message is loud and clear - Graham Henry, IGNORE DOUG AT YOUR PERIL.

Hapless Hurricanes

A weekend of interesting rugby. Kicking off with the Hurricanes and their last minute loss to the Western Force (which was deserved).
I never get a feeling of satisfaction when I watch the Hurricanes. They’re not a team that you ever feel are going to score from their opposition’s 22 – even when they’re in full possession and have gone over 10 phases. Maybe I’ve just watched them on bad days – but I find them frustrating to watch – especially considering the talent that is in it the team.

Evil Rickards and the Brave Women

Super 14 to me still doesn't seem real. It is only March - and the competition has been slogging itself out for the last month (mostly to a highly mediocre standard might I add).

So I write about something completely different tonight, but something that is entwined with the macho sporting culture in this country, and around the world.

Last year while the Football World cup was on - it was reported there was rise in domestic violence levels after each England game in the UK by up to 40%. In New Zealand, that statistic is even worse. New Zealand, for all its liberal policies and female leadership representation has one of the worst records of domestic violence against women in the developed world. And of course, the level rises after a major rugby test match with all that testorone coursing through disappointed or joyous liquored blood.

Tonight, I marched on the Wellington Police station against the justice system that protects the rapist and violator, and leaves the victim to be villified in public. For all our progress, it is still a sad world where inequality is rife and violence is rampant against women.

A lot of us on the march tonight were desolate about the future. About the fact that we are still not protected after all the so called social steps that our sisters before us have taken in the last thirty years. It got me thinking about the fact that wouldn't it be amazing if a sports team, such as the All Blacks, could put their efforts behind supporting a deserving charity such as Women's Refuge. I think it would be a first in the world, a macho sporting fraternity in this country putting the weight behind a cause that is noble and challenging and protects the woman and the child.

It is a sad fact of life that the men who follow an egg shaped ball around a paddock can have such an influence on the non-thinking rickards in this country. But sometimes it is these men (the non-violent men) that need to throw their weight behind the movement to end violence by men against women. There are campaigns worldwide for this - one particuarly strong one - the white ribbon campaign plugs away.

I'm prepared to believe that a team like the All Blacks could have a major influence on domestic violence in this country for the good of the country, not the bad. And that people like the Richie McCaws and the Dan Carters of the world throwing their weight behind a worthy cause could actually reach some of those violent imbeciles more than the law can. Maybe they can even reach some of those violent imbeciles within the 'law'. Who knows. You decide.